“Put your feelings in your back pocket cuz not everybody is gonna care about your feelings.” I was told this throughout my childhood and it wasn’t until decades later that I learned that my feelings…my emotions…. the data that my body gives me…are designed to help me skillfully navigate my life. Chronically suppressing my emotions was like journeying with my internal guidance system on mute, which led to co-dependency, poor boundaries, and an inability to befriend myself. My turning point came once I learned to tend to my emotional garden, which has allowed me to expand, flow, and grow with greater ease in all my leadership roles.
Now that I’m on the other side of habitually stuffing my emotions in my back pocket, I realize that this habit is foundational to sustaining the Super Woman myth that thrives off sacrificing one’s well-being. There is little to no room for this fictional super heroine to pause, breathe, and observe how she’s feeling throughout the day. She often trades her well-being in exchange for the perceived value and sense of worthiness that others grant for all accomplished deeds.
Slaying ambitious goals, breaking barriers, and achieving admirable accomplishments are worthy of celebration…IF you can breathe, care for yourself and take time to observe and listen to your inner wisdom in the process.
One of the most important steps you can take to loosen the grip of the Super Woman cape is to identify, name, and learn from your emotions. Emotions are data from yourself to yourself about your experiences. And….wait for it….there are no “bad” emotions. All your emotions are data, or guideposts, and all of you matter.
What would it take to begin naming and learning from your emotions?
Step 1: EXPAND Your Worthiness Mindset
Worthy: /ˈwərT͟Hē/
Adjective: having or showing the qualities or abilities that merit recognition in a specified way.
You are worthy of caring about your whole self, but this must be a non-negotiable that you believe. I’m sure you can easily name five individuals, organizations, or projects that are worthy of your time, attention, and care. Are you on that list? If you do not believe that your emotions are worthy of your attention, then you will not create the time to practice and grow your emotional literacy.
Step 2: Create More FLOW in Your Time
It takes a lot of effort to honor all the commitments at home, in the community and in the workplace. It also takes time and effort to change the habit of putting your feelings in your back pocket. But guess what? You’re worth it and the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more eager you may become to proactively make time.
Step 3: GROW Your Emotional Literacy
“If we can’t name it, then we can navigate it.” – Dr. River
Emotional literacy, the foundation of Emotional Intelligence, is the competence to recognize and understand feelings. The average person only uses 10-12 words to regularly describe their, but the depth and range of feelings are so much more expansive. When you rise in the morning, engage in meetings, or consider one more request to do one more thing, I invite you to:
- Take 3 deep breaths
Since you’re not actually a Super Woman, you may have to center yourself 😉
- Notice how you feel in your body and where you feel it.
The mind-body connection is real, sis.
- Distinguish between the various feelings
Yep, you can experience several, even seemingly contradictory, emotions simultaneously.
- Accurately label them
Friendly reminder: There are no “bad” emotions.
Sometimes this last step is the hardest, especially if we are decades into being an expert emotional stuffer. Check out The Feelings Wheel, which is a great tool to expand emotional literacy and label all the feels.
Once you begin to make space in your back pockets you may find that you’re better able to sit with your emotions and listen to what they have come to help you learn about your experiences. You might even discover that you like listening to the wisdom within.